What do you know about Generation X?
If the plethora of social media faces who obsess over generational differences are to be believed, we drank straight from the hose, stayed out until the streetlights came on, practically brought ourselves up due to (physically and emotionally) absent parents. We grew up fast but never really matured past the age of thirty and we’re either being ignored or bitching about all of this in online reaction videos.
We pepper every sentence with expletives and we have no F*cks left to give.
From my experience, a lot of it is actually true. We bought the album 'Music for the Jilted Generation' and we FELT it. It was a bit ‘Breakfast Club’ (if there had been a UK version) in my teenage years. Hard knocks and step up or get left behind. We grew up making dens in hay bales, and hanging out round the back of the youth club with cheap cider and twenty Benson & Hedges on a Friday night. What we didn’t learn in science lessons about sex, we learnt from someone’s older brother and his bad 1970s VHS ‘adult film’. I learnt to cook a variety of foolproof simple meals to feed myself, and had my own house key by the age of eleven.
We were/are pretty fierce, to be honest, and we are the generation who learnt to embrace modern technology, push its boundaries and open the path for various ‘30 under 30’s today. Gen X women have cracked glass ceilings, taken to social media to find our voices, and given force to an evolved wave of feminism. We will not shy away from being done with everyone’s shit and we’re quite happy to say so.
And those of us who grew up Gen X girls are now heading into menopause.
I was 44 when I experienced my first peri-menopause symptoms. Before the night sweats, daily despair and insomnia crept in, I was absolutely riding a wave of fitness and energy, I felt like I was sparkling, and my career was sweeping me up through the ranks. Running ultra marathons on weekends and running large multi-disciplinary departments on weekdays, I was listened to, applauded, people asked me for my ‘expert opinions’ and I gladly and confidently delivered them. I felt attractive. And not just in a romantic way, but I was an attractive employee; someone people were proud to have on their team. Then, quicker than I imagined, I became sporadically out for the count. Every couple of months, just a rush of debilitating sadness would come. And it was accompanied by the fast onslaught of changes to my face, skin, shape and fitness.
At 47 I can tell you, I am already absolutely sick of this shit. There are physical symptoms in a list so long, I could do a parody of Baz Luhrmann’s ‘Sunscreen’ and still add four extra verses, but the sheer change in my body and my hormones rushing around trying to find their way through has given me the hardest challenge my mental health has ever had to overcome.

Ageing is, of course, super hard for anyone. As a Gen X menopausing woman, I can tell you, it’s bloody debilitating. I’m typically a bit of an introvert, which some who know me may think sounds alien, but I put my confident mask on for public speaking. It’s always been draining and now it’s harder, much harder, because sometimes I feel like any time I speak, nobody is listening to me, and I’m yelling into a void. I’m either full of beans and ready to change the world, or so exhausted I’m struggling to remember words like ‘windowsill’ (I had to resort to ‘you know the shelf under the glass thingy’ recently). I think they delightfully call that ‘brain fog’.
We are not the generation who lets on. We are not comfortable showing 'weakness'. We are the 'whatever' generation who suck it all up for fear of showing a chink in our armour. Living through the explosion of social media over the years which technology seemed to accelerate by filling your time with a sensory attack. From magazines when I was thirteen, the attack has steadily grown, step by step as I grew through the disappearing decades, to be a constant, unavoidable thread of ‘beach body’, ‘thigh gap’, ‘suck it in’, ‘plump it up’, ‘smooth it out’, ‘embrace the grey’, ‘cover the ageing greys’, ‘hide the eyebags’, ‘take this supplement to calm your mood’...(apparently Gen X love ellipses, so I'm leaning in...).
What were we taught about menopause? Nothing. Science teachers summarised it to 'ladies stop having periods and can no longer make babies'. We got minor intel from adults who would whisper phrases like 'oh, she's going through The Change' to excuse someone fighting a hot flush, or being a bit 'snippy'. When a middle aged French teacher disappeared for a few months, we were told (again, in whispers) 'she's had a nervous breakdown'.
It’s impossible not to project bias onto others. After all this time being told to pretend to be younger or nobody will hear you; hold on to your youth and your calm, you tend to assume that others view you as washed up, past it, and that you have little to offer their world. Or their business. And that brings you spiralling, spiralling down to rock bottom. ‘Am I worthless now?’
I am not worthless. Career wise, I’m more in my prime now than a few years ago when I thought I was at my peak. I have bags and bags of experience, I’ve learnt practical applications to deliver strong actions and deliver positive change. I’ve bounced back from failure, learnt and listened. I can create compelling storytelling and drive enthusiasm into a team. And the Gen Xer here still takes no shit, and gets shit done! But that all feels harder to sell when you’re middle aged, a little bit squishier than you used to be and just tired of all the BS and done with small talk. Already in the ‘forgotten generation’, I move ahead into the age of ‘invisible woman’ and sometimes I let myself believe I’m just fading away. Spiralling into insignificance.
At some point, I spoke to my sister in law. I rarely open up about feeling low (again, typical Gen Xer, apparently), but I’d got to a point where I thought I couldn’t get out of the cycle of depression with all the changes I didn’t sign up for, and she immediately said ‘go see your doctor, sounds like menopause’. And I did. I sat awkwardly in a chair, with a handwritten list of 'stuff that's happening to me that I don't like' and tried not to say 'I'm fine, really'. My doctor prescribed HRT (it’s not for everyone, speak to your own GP) and therapy; lots and lots of therapy. And, although I can’t say I constantly thrive, I am handling it.
Let me tell you, I've seen that French teacher years later; bouncing into a pub with her friends on a 'girls' night out', fresh faced, confident, like she'd finally shaken off the gunge inside the caterpillar's chrysalis and emerged a radiant and fiery butterfly. And I'm here for that.
My mental health message for this week is to two key groups.
To those in menopause like me, I want to say ‘It’s OK. We’re evolving. They do hear you. You are very relevant. And you’re not done yet’.
(And, the instagram supplements don’t work, but the therapy does. See your GP).
To those in HR teams all over the world, please create space for open discussion on menopause. And find ways with your teams to make sure you’re prepared to listen to and support people experiencing the physical and mental challenges of menopause. It’s time.
Who you work with is going to make all the difference too, of course. I am loving seeing companies sparking discussion on menopause and how workplaces can do better. A wonderful young professional I had the pleasure of working with once heard me and acted on it. She put together a menopause panel, and asked our HR Manager, a specialist medical professional, and a couple of women experiencing menopause (i.e. me) to speak to a group online and specifically discuss how companies can understand and support people at this time of their journey. The over-sharer in me poured out, but I felt so heard. Afterwards, people of all genders wanted to ask me about it, it sparked the best discussions and I felt, not only had I been heard by HR, but that other younger people were benefiting from the open discussion, preparing themselves for later. A helpful hand we were not offered in our youth. I would be abandoning everything my colleague started in organising that event, if I didn't talk about this during mental health awareness week.
Resources I’ve found useful, there are many more out there:

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