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Writer's pictureStephanie Kirk

Remember, people listen to you!

I have a confession. There was a time I didn’t say ‘thank you’.


There are  multitudes of ways to say ‘thank you’. And the simplest, and sometimes most effective way is to just... say it. As a people manager I was once given a good lesson in how important this is.


We had a confrontation. A member of my team had done something that didn’t result in a positive outcome - she f*cked up and annoyed a client. I was annoyed but decided that wouldn’t help, I was going to be firm but positive.  So we talked it over, looked at how to rectify it and agreed on a way forward. At the end of the day, we went home satisfied it was in the past.


Or so I thought. The next day she came into my office, closed the door and said “I was really upset last night. I hardly slept”. She burst into tears. I was shocked, we’d resolved everything, I hadn’t been angry at her. When I said this she said “but I knew you were angry at me underneath. You didn’t say thank you”.


It turned out, at the end of every day we worked together (over 4 years) I said “Have a good night. Thank you”, almost like a tiny ritual as she walked out of the door. I had no idea I always said the same thing. The previous night, I had omitted to say ‘Thank You’ as I usually did, and this indicated to her how pissed off I really was.


It has always stayed with me, this one tiny ritual that meant so much to her. And the impact it had when I didn’t do it. It occurred to me that if I had have told her how angry I felt at the time, she would have been less upset than when I omitted the 'thank you'.


I will always tell you pay rises and promotions are a much more meaningful ‘thanks’ than pizza Fridays and beers, but every little thing has its place. Words are extremely powerful too.


I hope to inspire leaders to think about the little rituals you have, and contemplate how important words are to your teams.


Need someone to delve into this topic with your people? Connect and tap into my toolkit!


Thank you card
a thank you card I received some time ago from a wonderful manager, which I kept because it meant a lot

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